A Half Capable Poet

A half capable poet

Sits alone at midnight

Under dimly lit light

Holding pen and paper to write 

A half capable poet 

Stares blankly ahead

With wild thoughts in her head

That might as well make her mad

A half capable poet

Meets tragedies after tragedies

Finds nothing called remedies

That brings her falling to her knees

A half capable poet 

Writes words from her deepest heart

With the ink of her loneliest part

In hope for a better start

White Rose

I dreamt you were here
stood by my door
with white rose in your hands
and that smile I adore

in this stormy weather
can you still recall that moment?
hands held together
two hearts finally spoken

stars flickering like ember
by the fifteenth
do you remember?

and that night in November
we almost made it
do you remember?

I'm dying to ask you one thing
'bout the love that had been scattered
would you think 'twas nothing?
cause darling, to me it mattered

all those unsaid words
keep haunting me
but you're long gone
and it's too late for me

yet I still wish to see
a white rose by my door

02:22 AM

There's a cup of coffee before her, and there are also things she needs to read for her exam. If she were herself, she would have finished reading by now, but lately she has been slightly different.

She's traveled here and there, seen the sun sets and rises in different places, read various kinds of book that practically takes her to different sides of the world, but none of them has made her wish she could turn back time more than seeing the look of his brown eyes when he smiles. The kind of brown that people would never want to take their eyes off, for it's somehow warm... calming... It's strange because of all things; books, travels, sunsets, sunrises, and coffee are those she loves most.

It's 02:22 AM and she's sitting alone outside a coffee shop after a 515 miles journey. She should continue reading since she has an exam at 7 in the morning, but her mind is elsewhere. She should sleep, but there's one thing keeping her awake. Not the overwhelming anxiety of facing her exam. Not the breathtaking sunset she has seen in the train she just got off. Also not the long journey that always makes her feels better about herself.

And she's never been more awake.

04/13/15

02:22 AM

Rumah

Kala hari berganti malam, semburat jingga kemerahan mewarnai langit yang tadinya biru. Di kota seperti ini, kendaraan-kendaraan masih memenuhi jalanan yang seharusnya mulai lengang. Trotoar ramai akan orang-orang yang berlalu lalang dengan wajah letih akibat bekerja seharian. Mereka semua sama, menempuh jalan pulang.

Lalu bagaimana denganmu? Apakah kau sama seperti mereka?

Aku kadang mempertanyakan diriku sendiri. Mengapa aku begitu bodoh dalam mengambil keputusan? Aku begitu bodoh, memintamu untuk pergi.

Aku hanya seorang lemah dengan pikiran yang begitu kompleks. Mungkin kau takkan pernah mengerti. Mungkin aku takkan pernah bisa menjelaskan apapun tentangku padamu. Begitulah aku, hanya terus berharap agar kau mengerti. Agar kau dapat melihat semuanya melalui sudut pandangku.

Jika kau sedang membaca tulisan ini, maukah kau percaya?

Bahwa banyak hal yang memaksa kita untuk melakukan hal-hal yang tidak kita inginkan.

Bahwa kadang perpisahan terjadi untuk masa depan yang lebih baik. Di sela-sela perjalananmu itu, maukah kau mengingatku?

Ibaratkan saja aku sebagai sebuah rumah. Bukan rumah ber-AC, namun cukup untuk melindungimu dari teriknya matahari dan curahan hujan. Bukan rumah mewah berpagar tinggi, namun mampu membuatmu nyaman untuk berada di dalamnya.

Dan pernahkah terpikir olehmu bahwa sebuah rumah tak akan pernah utuh tanpa penghuninya? Maka pulanglah. 

Pulanglah jika itu keinginanmu. 

Pulanglah saat kau lelah melangkah. 

Pulanglah ketika kau butuh atap untuk berteduh.

Pulanglah.

Pintuku selalu terbuka.

Anggap ini sebuah surat, prosa, atau kalimat-kalimat tak masuk akal. Aku tak peduli. Tetapi anggaplah saja.. anggap saja aku ini rumahmu.

Aku mungkin tidak utuh. Tapi setidaknya aku ada.

We Could Have Been

Wouldn't it have been easier,
if we'd set our ego aside?
Wouldn't it have been better,
if we'd spoken our minds out?
Wouldn't it have been less harder,
if you hadn't been such an ignorant?
Would it have happened then,
if you'd answered my call?

Would I be out of my mind,
if I tell you that we
could have been so much more?

wound

all this time she was still there
wondering what went wrong
stay put in her past
as if that's where she belongs

but she didn't know
that staying there
is like pulling off the scabs
of a healing wound

untukmu yang masih dalam benak

lima puluh satu hari telah berlalu

tapi tak ada yang berubah padaku

hati ini masih mengharapkanmu

rindu ini masih mengelukan namamu

suara hujan yang kini terdengar

membawaku kembali pada malam itu
bulan dan bintang tak tampak
langit tertutup awan mendung
namun apa peduliku tentang langit
jika kau ada di hadapanku

aku ingat senyumanmu saat itu
menenangkan,

layaknya matahari terbenam

menghipnotis siapapun yang melihat

melegakan,

seakan-akan mengingatkan

bahwa aku tidak jatuh cinta sendirian

"It's been a while but I still feel the same,

maybe I should let you go..."

- Ed Sheeran, Give Me Love 

try

In the past few months I was working on my essays that were supposed to be submitted in December and January, but I never finished them. Not that I don't want to, but I was afraid. I'm always afraid of rejection and I can't stand it.

I know opportunities are rare and they don't usually come back when we blow it away. But a lot of times I've been questioning myself if I was ever good enough to take them. There are always people that are better than me. And even if I do get that opportunity, would I be ready?

results always scare me.

I was so afraid of falling, I didn't even move.
I am so afraid of failing, I don't even try.

Cruise

Life is like a cruise

You may have planned where you're going,
and how to reach it,
but storms come with or without warning

Once in life you might have found someone
and you thought they would stick around
always..

But time went by,
and they left you

Once in life you might have done your biggest efforts,
but the results you got
weren't what you wished for

Just like that,
and you're shipwrecked

But in the end, it's a choice
Whether you would try again,
and rebuild your ship
Or maybe just stay put,
and go down with it